i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
