he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
