I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
