She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I believe in your delicious
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
