just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
