I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
