There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
