I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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