Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
