There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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