The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
