After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
