24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
