My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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