Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
