I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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