did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
