Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize