Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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