Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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