You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
