i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you win again, gameday.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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