bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You were trust falling into bushes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
