Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Houston, we have a squirter
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
