I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
