are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
