i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
