Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He shit in the fireplace
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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