does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's official drugs can't kill me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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