Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
