I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
