I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
