My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
