so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
