At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
