On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
