I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
