I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found puke in my bra..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
