it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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