i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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