It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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