We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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