he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
