Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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