Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
