giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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