he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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