the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
