I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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