The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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