so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
