I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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