So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
