You're my little dorito
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
youre lurking in front of me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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