You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
