The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're like the curious george of whores
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
