He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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