Will you blow on my dice?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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