Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm both gender and math confused
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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