She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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