When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
