I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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