you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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