OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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