fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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