so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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