You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
