hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
