Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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