I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
