she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
