the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
