A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
