you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
