If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
