She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
