pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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