"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
