It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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