Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
