I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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