new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
