Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
