I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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