Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
