i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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