whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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